busy times

I feel like there are so many things lately to write about, and I am not finding it easy to pick which ones. My original idea was to focus mostly on the kids, so I have a journal type record of their lives, but then I wanted to make it more about our life in general, and that makes it a bit more difficult. I could just include the days events, but then it will be jumbley and willy nilly. Maybe I don't care.
Today I needed to take the day off so to speak. We stayed in almost all day and I was very lazy, didn't do much at all. This morning while I was pumping, Alkai was in the living room watching a Dora the Explorer (one of his favorite shows at the moment) he is usually so enraptured by this show that he is unlikely to get into anything so I generally feel pretty safe to leave him in a room unattended for a short period of time under these circumstances. I don't know if Dora has lost her magic, or if Alkai was feeling a little neglected or what, but he went and got a bottle of lotion, removed the lid, and then was sucking on the bottle, kind of like drinking the lotion out of it. When I walked into the room I asked him what he was doing, and he says "I'm eating soap mama!" in that enthusiastic voice he always uses when he is doing something he shouldn't be. "Of course you are" I say and take the lotion away from him. Sometimes I wonder if I should just say nothing. I am noticing he seems to have more intention behind this behavior lately, almost like he wants to get under my skin because I am falling short on his idea of my motherly duties. But then there are the times when it is just purely who he is. It is always an adventure to get him up from a nap or in the morning. His room is usually turned upside down, or at least his mattress is. He used to pull every book of his book shelf, and then the shelves too until I took all the books out of his room except a select few. He tends to empty his dresser drawers or his closet regularly. I don't even feel motivated to clean his room most of the time. What is the point, I mean honestly I could spend hours organizing, and then by the end of the day it is back to the way it was or worse. He is getting to the point where I can have him help me clean, if I want to have a huge head ache and run all my patience out from arguing with him.... I will have to do that, or he wont learn, but with him it has always been at a little slower of a pace than most kids in terms of being able to handle the business of growing up. Don't get me wrong, he is smart, he is just maturing a little more slowly. Sometimes I feel bad, like maybe I give the wrong impression about Alkai. He is just about the sweetest boy I have ever known. He is kind, generous, loving, polite, sensitive and bright. He is also determined, stubborn, inquisitive, curious, defiant, independent, and argumentative. Most of these things will serve him well when he grows up (maybe not the arguing and stubborn streak...) But it is a challenge to raise such a spirited child. Sometimes I really do lose my patience with him. I feel like I am doing the best I can, but I also know I could do better. I snapped at him today, because I am tired and it feels like it's just so easy to tick me off lately. I think (I hope) it is from lack of sleep and time to adjust to Kenai being here. We have had so much going on the last month, I am out of whatever it is that makes it easier for me to get through the day smiling. I do make an effort to keep communication open with him, I tell him I am sorry and why I got mad and let him know how it is my fault too. I just hope I am not doing permanent damage...I know everyone gets mad at their kids, but I think it is impossible to be a mom and not feel guilty about it! I need a vacation I swear. Maybe soon. I really think things are turning around for us, I don't know why I think so, but I can just sense a change. Let's hope that is true, I am not sure how much more of this we can stand....
On a happier note, after Robbie got home from work we went to a little park in Snohomish where they have recently put in some water fountain kid toys. It was a lot of fun, and Alkai got totally soaked. He really liked it, but we didn't get to stay long. It was hard for him to just stay at the water part, there were toys there too, but when he would go play with the toys he would get all this saw dust stuck to him from being all wet, that wasn't the best design. Kenai was a little fussy, both boys got a vaccine the other day and boy he has been cranky! I will have to write a whole other entry about the vaccines and Kenai's 2 month wellness check. See just too much going on! I think writing about it will help though. I really don't have a lot of outlets, so this has been good so far. Anyways, after the park we went to Wendy's for dinner. I know it is totally unhealthy and my goal is to cut out fast food completely but for now it is a cheap way to feed us quick. We can generally get us all something for $10, and that isn't too bad. Plus at Wendy's they have a baked potato and chili I mix together and it is good, and way healthier than some of the other choices. Of course I ate that and then realized I am not supposed to be having beans....I hope that doesn't upset Kenai's tummy. Riddle me this, why is it when you have a baby there is SO much to remember and learn, and yet you lose your mind, your ability to think, make connections, and your memory??!! That part of the design I am struggling with. I see the perfection in the fact that these poor babies let us stumble through this whole business of parenting, and they forgive us no matter what. Plus later they don't even remember the little screw ups anyways :) what a relief!