bankruptcy.....

It has been a LONG process of me hoping, praying, believing, trying, waiting, and then being just plain disappointed at nothing happening or showing up for us. We honestly were starting to think we just have the worst luck ever.... Last week we were served with papers because we are being sued for non-payment, and we have no money to fix this. We are backed into a corner. The only choice I fear is bankruptcy. Because of the urgency of the matter, I set up an appointment yesterday to meet with an attorney's office. I sat there in this very official looking office, with my "grown up" clothes on trying to look some kind of professional, when in reality I am committing one of the least professional acts one can commit. I remember sitting there thinking about our situation, and how hard we have tried, and I almost started crying (stupid hormones!) but I took a deep breath and regained my composure. I remember having a hard time sitting up straight, almost like I was too ashamed. I felt very small. We have done everything we can do, and I am at peace with that. I always try to be a person of honor so this was such a hard thing for me to accept, and the truth is, now I am OK with it. What else can I be, there is no room for extra stress in my life at the moment. Plus, what good does regret or upset get us? A headache, high blood pressure, and maybe sleepless nights as far as I can see. So I hand it over to God, if there is another option, show me the way. Until that time, this is what I have to do.
I was however shocked at how much this is going to cost, and we have to pay it completely before our case can be filed. That means, at the rate we are able to pay it (hopefully) we will pay it off in ten months :( I guess that gives god some time to give me another choice....